I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
