May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
