If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
