$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
