It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
