i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
