i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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