Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
