after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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