great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
