i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ok first of all what the fuck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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