you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize