I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
