I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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