There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
