After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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