Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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