i permit you to call me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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