i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
