Nicole vs. Life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize