i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize