Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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