Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
