In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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