Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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