I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
