Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Never joke about your clitoris.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
