I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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