Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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