i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sext me about skeletons
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
