my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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