After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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