I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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