Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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