so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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