I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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