I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
