HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
