I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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