So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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