hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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