Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
