Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
