I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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