He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish there were birth control emojis
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
