hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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