Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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