Got a toothbrush?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
