Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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