you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
