I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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