When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
