We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
