i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
