We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
