I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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