I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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