just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
