yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
