You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
